We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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