So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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