But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
