I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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