she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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