I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
