This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
