I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
