Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
