CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
