YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the day after is always just damage control
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
