please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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