So drunk its hurt
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
