Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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