I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
