apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
