If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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