Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
