i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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