My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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