quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
