Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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