Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
