Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it because I queefed?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
