We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
