I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
