I wannas sexs uuuuu
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
