i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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