So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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