Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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