At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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