We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize