i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
