its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please come you make the beer taste better
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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