he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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