I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
