now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this just has baby written all over it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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