Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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