My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
