You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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