Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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