Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
