I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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