I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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