hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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