On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
