does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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