I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
