I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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