Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
