I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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