k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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