Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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