I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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