things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
