Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize