I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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