God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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