What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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