I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
