If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
