you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
