youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
