why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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