once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
