So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
