Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize