I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
