You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
