she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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