I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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