i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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