i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
