is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
