put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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