It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
