i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
