yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
