there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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