In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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