She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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