I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
