mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
