Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize