And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She bit a glass in half.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
