the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
