four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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