the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
BRING THE BAGELS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
