You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
